Think of a competition you are involved in – a sporting activity, work situation, personal relationship. Ask yourself whether this competition is controlling you or you are controlling it.

Here are some ways to know. It is likely controlling you, if you answer yes to many of these questions.

• Are you thinking about it too much?

• Feeling angry about it when you think you are not winning?

• Spending too much time feeling afraid you are going to lose?

• Beating yourself up when you think you are losing?

• Thinking your competitors are bad, worthless people?

On the other hand, you are likely controlling it and making it work for you instead of against you, if you answer yes to these questions.

• Are you enjoying the excitement of being in competition?

• Do you enjoy and respect the people you compete with when you are done with the task?

• Are you a better person or a more skilled person because of this competition?

If you decide you are in control, celebrate. If you decide instead that competition is controlling you, make a plan to turn things around. Work on gaining control of any insecurities and fears that prevent you from healthy competition.

Think about how your children are handling competition as well. Do you think they are enjoying the excitement of competition, respect their competitors and a better, more skilled person because of the competition?  How you handle competition can teach them how to be in control of competition rather than allowing competition to control them.