Kids who have trouble in school are sometimes reacting to old messages from a parent, neighbor,
or other important adult.

Imagine how the messages below could keep a child from becoming a good student.

·       “You’re just like your brother, a real goof-off in school.

·       “Why are you being so dumb?”

·       “I hated school, when I was young.”

·       “Math is just not your thing.”

·       “You can’t concentrate for more than three minutes; you’re such a daydreamer.”

To avoid these kinds of messages, try focusing on the following two kinds of messages.

• “You are cared about” messages: “I’m so happy to see you after school each day” “You are nice to be around.” “Let me fix you your favorite snack.”

• “You do many things well” or “Let me show you how to do better” messages: “You stayed right with your homework today until you got it done.” “You were a real star at the soccer game.”  “Practice your spelling words, and you will do great on the test.”

Pick a day to keep track of the types of messages you give your children. Did you give a lot more “care about you” messages than messages about things they did? You can work at keeping the two kinds balanced.  In working on balance, be aware that as your children start school, they may need extra “care about you” messages because they receive so many messages about what they do and how they do it at school.