Let’s get back to information that can help you be the best parent, friend, and loved one you can be.

My friend and mentor, Jean Illsley Clarke wrote about “crooked no’s” in her books. They are the things we do and say that make it seem like we are saying “yes” when we are really saying “no.” Making excuses when we are asked to do something, being late, forgetting things, ignoring people and requests, or even becoming sick can all be ways we avoid taking responsibility for straight answers, including saying no when we mean no.

Getting better at straight talk begins with recognizing when you are using a crooked no. Try writing down all the ways you have said no without actually saying no over a week or a month. Did you offer an excuse when asked to do something or say yes but not follow through hoping no one would notice?

Think about what keeps you from just saying no when you need to. Oftentimes it is fear. For example, fear of an angry response, loss of a relationship, or inability to deliver what you said yes to.

Once you recognize your crooked no’s and have some idea about what causes you to use them, think about one thing you can do to find the courage to respond with straight no’s.

As children are learning about responsibility they are likely to try using crooked no’s as a way to avoid responsibility. Be on the look out for their crooked no’s and in a matter-of-fact way require them to give you straight yes or no answers. For example:

YOU;  Did you clean up your toys?

CHILD:  “I’ll do it later.”

YOU:  “Is that a yes or a no?”

CHILD:  “No, I’ll do it later.”

YOU: “Thank you for making that clear. Will you do it before or after dinner?”