This week give your child two valentines.

1. Make one with a What-You-Do message that says how much you like seeing something your child is able to do very well (can also be a rule that he is good at following).

2. Make another one with a Who-You-Are message that says how much you enjoy your child not because of anything he does but just because he is who he is. Some possibilities: “I like you.” “You’re fun to be with.” “I miss you,” “Let’s hang out together.”

Now that you have introduced your child to these two kinds of messages, keep it up all year. Try to make sure you are giving both kinds of messages in equal doses. If your child is in school, remember that school is by necessity overloaded with What-You-Do messages which means your child could use a lot of Who-You-Are messages at home to balance things out. Who-You-Are messages can also include cuddling, hugs, back rubs, laughing together, even rough housing together if done playfully.