Tag Archives: consequences

Supportive Discipline

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Using supportive discipline styles is best for children. They accept that children will mess up while still expecting that with help and firm consequences they will do better the next time.
To effectively use these styles means having rules that are right for the child’s age, his self-control, and his ability to make good choices. It also means sticking to the rules. You might as well not have any rules, if you aren’t going to insist they be followed. Children need and deserve to have rules that protect them and teach them, so having no rules or not enforcing them is a form of abandoning them. It is not giving them what they need to be safe. About the two styles that are supportive:
  • Authoritative discipline. This relies on rules set by the parent for the safety of the child and to encourage his growth in self-control and making good choices. It requires a parent to know the child well, how much self-control he has already developed and where he needs specific and strong guidance to stay safe and become more mature.
    This discipline is offered unemotionally, relying on the fact that the child knows the rule and what the consequences are for not following the rule and on your strong commitment to enforcing the rule. This discipline always offers the child a way to make amends and get back into good graces. He must always know that he is loved and that he will have another chance to do better.
  • Adjustable discipline. This discipline is for children who are capable of self-discipline and therefore can work with a parent in establishing reasonable rules and consequences. What is not negotiable, however, is enforcing the consequences. Once agreed upon the rule is the rule. If the rule needs adjusting in the future, that can happen, but only if the parent agrees it provides enough safety and growth in self-control.
    Our next post will talk about the other styles of discipline. Although they are not good for children, parents need to know about them so they can work to avoid them even in times when they are under stress.